Couples/Family Counseling
Relationships affect every part of our lives. When they’re going well, we’re on top of the world. But when our key relationships aren’t as happy as we’d hope, life becomes that much harder. If you and your partner/family member are struggling, therapy can help.
I work with couples and families in two specific ways:
I work with people who want to use Internal Family Systems (IFS) to resolve communication issues and other longstanding patterns. IFS for couples/dyads uses the Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO) framework to support change. In addition to being IFS Certified, I have advanced training in IFIO. While I may bring in tools from other methods as needed, IFIO is my go-to for couples/family work.
I work with stepfamilies who are trying to navigate the tricky dynamics of “blending,” whether they’re just getting started or have been at it for years. Few therapists actually have research-based training in this niche—we definitely don’t get it in graduate school! I’m a stepmom myself, so I know how important it is to work with someone who understands and someone who actually has relevant training. You can learn more about this work here.
The couples and families who like working with me are highly motivated and may have individual therapists already. I’m also a good fit for couples and families that include ADHDers and can help create understanding across neurotypes. If you’d like to learn more, please reach out to schedule a consult.
Fees: $160 for 50-minute couples/family sessions and $255 for 80-minute couples/family sessions (I also offer intensives, including stepfamily intensives.)
Art by Nadia-Valeska Devonish (IG @nadia__valeska). Located in Christchurch, New Zealand.
If you’re ready to reach your relationship goals, schedule a free 15-minute consult today.
Advanced Trainings
Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFS for Couples/Dyads) - Basic, Advanced
The Gottman Method - Level 1, Treating Affairs & Trauma
Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy - Foundations of Relational Life Therapy, Level 1
Patricia Papernow’s Meeting the (Big!) Challenges for “Blended Families”
How Does It Work?
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Consult
Therapy begins with a free 15-minute consult. It’s important that both of you feel comfortable with me and my approach. This is your chance to ask questions, learn about how I work, and make sure we’re a good fit.
Artist Unknown. Located in Joshua Tree, CA.
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Assessment
In the first session, we’ll go over your intake forms. I’ll ask questions, and together, we’ll get a sense of what’s going on. Couples/Families are complex systems, so I’ll assess your situation in greater detail over the first few sessions.
Artist Unknown. Located in San Francisco CA.
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Learning
In the first few weeks and months of our work together, I’ll share some psychoeducation to help us understand why you’ve gotten stuck and how you can make changes. We’ll also work on skills we’ll need to move forward.
Artist Unknown. Located in Chicago, IL.
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Inner Work
Sometimes we’re wounded in relationships, and we need to work on repair. However, those wounds can be extra painful if they poke at pain from the past. If your past trauma is showing up in your relationship, we may explore intrapsychic work, too.
Artist Unknown. Located in Austin, TX.
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Practice
As they say, practice makes perfect. Once we’ve learned the skills you’ll need to revitalize your relationship, you’ll practice them in session, so we can address any snags and build the mental muscles you’ll need to move forward.
Artist Unknown. Located in Fairfax, CA.
Secrets to Couples/Family Counseling
1. Choose the right therapist.
When you start couples/family counseling, you’re going to share some intimate details about your life and relationship with your therapist. If you feel a little awkward at first, you’re probably doing it right. That’s why it’s so important to choose the right therapist. Both you and your partner or family member need to feel comfortable with them and their approach. Ideally, you’ll also find someone who specializes in issues that are relevant to your relationship. If you’ve spent some time on my website and feel like we may be a fit, reach out to schedule a free consult.
2. Consistency is key. Start with weekly sessions.
Couples/Family counseling is a commitment. Most of us have tight schedules, so it can be hard to find consistent weekly times that work for everyone, but building up momentum, especially in the beginning, is crucial. You didn’t get here overnight, so it’ll take time to heal old hurts and make big changes. In fact, it’ll probably take longer than you’d like, but inconsistency will slow the process. Sometimes couples or family members start therapy wanting to meet every other week or once a month—in my experience, that approach doesn’t work. If you’re investing in couples/family counseling, give yourself the best chance of success by planning to meet weekly. (And if that’s just not possible, see if you and your partner are candidates for an intensive.) Once we’ve made progress, I’m happy to shift to less frequent appointments as soon as it’s appropriate. After all, part of my job is to make myself obsolete by giving you the tools you need to be successful without me.
3. Commit to change (regardless of what your partner/family member does).
Most people enter couples/family counseling hoping the therapist will make the other person change. I’ll cut to the chase—it doesn’t work that way. If both people point at their partner or family member, waiting for them to change first, they’re playing emotional chicken, and they’re sure to remain stuck. As part of our work together, I’m going to challenge you to do what IFS founder Richard Schwartz calls the “you-turn;” instead of blaming the other person, I’m going to invite you to take a deep look at yourself. When you’re brave enough to look at the way you’re showing up in your relationship, you’ll see where you can grow as a person and a partner or family member. Yes, the other person may be uniquely qualified to push your buttons, but what matters most is how you respond. I’ll encourage you to set autonomous goals for change based on where you most need to grow. When both people take positive steps independently, that’s when the magic happens.
4. Regulation. Regulation. Regulation.
For some people, this is the hardest part. I believe you and your partner or family member can handle just about anything…IF you can talk about it, but it’s nearly impossible to have a productive conversation if you’re not calm enough to listen and to think clearly. When we’re calm, we have access to our prefrontal cortex—that’s our thinking brain. It helps us connect with people and solve complex problems. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to access this part of the brain when we’re feeling dysregulated. We may want to have a productive conversation, but we just can’t. In other words, when we feel threatened or upset, when we’re raising our voice or our heart is pounding, our limbic system is probably running the show. That’s the emotional center of our brain. It’s great at helping us survive, but it’s not so good at navigating difficult conversations. In our sessions, I’ll help you practice new regulation skills—I may even interrupt you, but it’s inservice of helping you learn to stay regulated when it matters most.
5. Practice at home to make faster progress.
We’ll learn a lot in our sessions together, but you’ve got to practice between sessions to hone new skills and shift old patterns between you and your partner. At most, we’re only together 80 minutes per week, so you can’t expect significant change if you’re not working toward your goals outside of our sessions. While all of my homework is optional, the most successful couples and families dive into the process and practice every chance they get. Bonus points if you work with your parts/triggers with your individual therapist in between sessions.
6. Get Started
Research shows that most couples or families wait six years before they seek help with their relationship challenges. Unfortunately, the longer you wait, the longer it’ll take to unravel unnecessary pain. If you’re thinking about couples/family counseling, I encourage you to be proactive. Reach out to schedule a free consult today.